It is said that we all fall in love 3 times throughout our lifetime – each for a specific reason
“Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.” ~ Unknown
It has been noted that we all fall in love for 3 specific reasons and it is also assumed that each of those different loves is important for a reason.
The first one usually comes when we are young, probably while in high school. It’s the idealistic love – the one that is likened to the fairy tale stories we read as kids.
This love appeals to what we think we ought to do for the sake of the society and our families as well.
We get into it and assume that it will be the only love we have in our lifetime and even if it doesn’t feel alright, we keep denying the personal truth to make sure the love keeps going, thinking that is what love truly means.
In this love, we are more consigned about how others view us than how we actually feel. This love just has to appear perfect even if it’s not.
The second one is the Hard Love. This is the love that tries to teach us who we are and how often we need to be loved. This love usually hurts, be it through manipulation, pains or lies.
At this point, we think we are making different choices than in our first life however, the fact is that we still make the same choices out of the need to learn a lesson – but we still hang on.
This love is the type of love that we often repeat with different people thinking that somehow the ending will be different, thinking it’ll be better, however, it keeps getting worse.
It is usually unhealthy, narcissistic and unbalanced. In some cases, there may be mental, emotional and possibly physical abuse or manipulation and in most cases, there will be too much drama.
This extreme highs and lows are what keeps us addicted to this storyline. The roller coaster of keeps us feeling like a junkie trying to get a fix, sticking through the lows with the hop of getting highs.
In this relationship, we end up focusing more on trying to make it work rather than if it should in the first place. It becomes the love we wished was perfect.
The third love is the one we never see coming. This love usually looks nothing like what we think love is supposed to be like. It trumps all what we feel love should be and looks all wrong and impossible. The connections seem all wrong and the connection can’t be explained probably because it’s something we never planned for.
This is the love that has 2 people attracted to each other and it just fits. There is no real expectation about such person neither is there a need to live a certain lifestyle to impress the person. We just feel accepted the way we are.
It doesn’t look anything like what we imagined our love will be like, neither does it conform to our set rules and standards. It shatters all our preconceived notion of what we wanted our love to be like. This long keeps knocking on our door irrespective of how long it takes us to answer. This type of love just feels right even though it can’t be explained.
Some of us might not get to feel this love in our lifetime but it is likely because we are not ready for it. Perhaps, we need to understand what love isn’t before we can truly appreciate what it truly is. While some individuals will need only a few years to find this love, others may take their lifetime learning different lessons about love.
Some see it as love being ready for us as much as we are ready for it.
Some people fall in love for the first time and somehow they find it passionate as it lasts them a lifetime. For instance, we see some pictures of our grandparents who look just as in love as they did in that picture as they did when they started dating 80 years ago. Those kinds of pictures have us wondering if we truly know what love truly is.
These ones are often referred to as the “lucky ones’, but if you ask me, the ones who go through the 3 phases are the real lucky ones.
They are the ones that have gone through different relationships and are probably tired of putting themselves out there and have resorted to thinking that there is something fundamentally wrong with them or how they love. However, the question is just if their partner loves them as much as they love their partners.
Love may have never found love that works for you but that doesn’t mean you would never find one.
The question now is, do we love with pre-set rules or do we open ourselves up to endless possibilities. We can decide to stick with our first love, the one that makes everyone happy, we can decide to stick with our second love, living under the illusion that we have to fight for all that good and worth having or we can just open ourselves up to the possibility that the third love can find us – the love that feels like a calm peace of the night after, the one that doesn’t have any rationale and doesn’t seem like the fairytale love we read about as kids.
The first love is amazing and special.
The second love is heartbreakingly unique while the third love is pretty amazing.
This third love comes along and all of a sudden, we understand that it is the love that we never see coming, the one that lasts and the one that shows us why the other ones never truly worked out.
It is the possibility of finding this love that makes trying again worthwhile because, in the end, you can never know where you will stumble into love.
“You found parts of me I didn’t know existed and in you I found a love I no longer believed was real.” ~ Unknown